Who To Vote For

It’s Primary Voting Day in Texas. I’m looking for a “new candidate.”

I’m looking for one who hasn’t taken money from anyone, and is therefore “tied” to no one.
I’m looking for one who holds no “religious” views, and therefore can’t offend any religion.
I’m looking for one who has vast experience running a government, but has never been associated with government waste, bad laws, poor judgment, mismanagement, or mistakes.
I’m looking for someone who can make the economy work so that everyone has everything they want and need, win the war(s) and keep all the troops at home, fully supplied, well trained, and on leave, because there is no more discord around the world.
I’m looking for one who has no skeletons in the closet, never “mis-speaks, always engenders hope, and has the ability to “change the world,” end poverty in third world countries, and draw all political parties together. It would be nice if he/she can fix the United Nations too.
I’m looking for someone who all World leaders look to for counsel, personally admire, and long to be like.
I’m looking for someone faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, and who has no weaknesses, like Kryptonite – or something.
Did I mention 39 cents per gallon gasoline?

I may need to wait till next year to vote —